yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
