girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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