Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
