if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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