i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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