i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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