Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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