You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
