nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
