i just had sex bonerless
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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