My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Houston, we have a squirter
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
