sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
