Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
