Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
