Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
