question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had to cum in my sink.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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