Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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