Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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