Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
