I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize