The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
