am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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