oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
