So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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