I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
