im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
