At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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