nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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