i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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