Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
