I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
