Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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