You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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