I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
