What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
