If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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