There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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