If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
