I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
