What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
