And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
