I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
