smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
