I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
