Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
