Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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