just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
