so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
