Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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