You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
