A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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