cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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