last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
