I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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