Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
