please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
