How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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