the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize