matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
