After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Enjoy the penises
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize