I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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