I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her vagine was all disorganized.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
