he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
