That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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