Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
