I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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