Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
