Jerry, you need to find god
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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