I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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