can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
