dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
