none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
