Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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